Brainwash Me Softly with a Squeak

This wide-eyed rodent might look like he’s auditioning for a Pixar spinoff called “Revolutionary Rodents”, but don’t let the fuzzy exterior fool you—he's onto something, and it smells like a syllabus. Draped in stars and stripes and staring through glasses so thick they could detect bias in a math textbook, this little guy has seen the lesson plans, and frankly, he’s unimpressed. Rumor has it he used to be a substitute teacher until he asked too many questions and got reassigned to the “quiet corner of independent thought.”

The bold header—“Indoctrination”—slams down like a gavel, but it’s the punchline underneath that delivers the real sting: “Because controlling the next generation is easier than debating this one.” Oof. It’s satire dipped in sass, and the smug accuracy stings just enough to be funny. Whether you see him as a freedom-fighting field mouse or just a furball with opinions, this character’s charm lies in his unexpected gravitas. He’s adorable, yes—but that’s part of the trap. Because nothing says “wake up, sheeple” like a tiny critter dressed like Uncle Sam, silently judging your PowerPoint on social-emotional learning.